Humans come into this world with total self-confidence/self-esteem and assertiveness. Infants are assertive in their quest to have adequate food, diaper changes, cuddling, communication, soothing etc. When the child's needs are readily met and the child senses they are accepted unconditionally they flourish. When a child's basic needs for survival and emotional sustenance are met sporadically or poorly their self-confidence/self-esteem deteriorates.
When a child continues to experience deprivation they begin to view themselves as not being good enough to be cared for or cared about. Their birthright has been compromised. Thus, as an adult those who, have experienced some deprivation have the challenge to re-establish what is their birthright.
When a person reaches adulthood with weak or damaged self-confidence/self-esteem it is difficult for him/her to be assertive. This is so, because as an infant one learns by trial and error that assertiveness was to some degree in effective, otherwise, the child reasons, their needs would have been readily meet. Thus, the child learns other methods of getting what he/she needs. The other methods, include, but are not limited to temper tantrums, manipulation, deception and/or aggression.
Many people carry these methods into adulthood. These methods will work in varying degrees in personal and professional relationships. However, there are many instances these methods create an atmosphere of negativity and/or self-sabotage.
The remedy to this phenomenon is to re-establish one's birthright - Assertive behavior. Assertive behavior can be executed by: 1) Deciding what you want/need. 2) Telling those, who are involved what you want/need. 3) Working toward that goal, while taking other's wants/needs into consideration.
Assertiveness is a behavior style that gives recognition and acceptance to all parties in the interaction. If you act forcefully or irrationally in your quest to achieve your goals you will discover that the attention you draw is negative rather than positive. Assertiveness allows you to face challenging opportunities courageously and approach others who, you need to interact, with courage and strength.
Simultaneously, your respectfulness and forthrightness will endear you to others and demonstrate the respect you have for everyone you encounter. Others will notice your willingness to consider their wants/needs along with your own and react positively to you. Your respect, forthrightness, and pleasantness will inspire others to accommodate you.
