One method of reducing anxiety is to acknowledge that anxious feelings are present. One may discover that others experience similar feelings under certain circumstances. If people can disclose their feelings of discomfort safely, they will find it unnecessary to expend so much energy disguising them; therefore, the anxiety will no longer interfere with the task at hand or impair their ability to cope in life.
Myth 2, Modesty: This myth consists of three parts:
(1) The inability to acknowledge or say positive things about oneself.
(2) The inability to accept compliments from others.
(3) The inability to give compliments to others.
Some people fear that positive self-statements seem egocentric. They fail to discriminate between the accurate representation of accomplishments and over exaggeration. Additionally, they may fear that once asserting themselves, they will have to live up to these expectations 100 percent of the time. Inability to self-disclose positively may hinder their opportunities. If they don't believe in themselves, it is unrealistic to expect others to believe in them.
People who are unable to receive compliments are indirectly damaging their self-respect. After several unsuccessful attempts, most people trying to give genuine compliments will hesitate, feeling uncomfortable in giving positive feedback. The intended recipient of the praise, no longer hearing positive feedback, may begin to question their self-worth.
Sometimes others may use insincere praise as a manipulative tool ("You are such a great worker; by the way, could you cut the lawn.") However, assuming that all positive feedback is insincere, manipulative or misleading will hinder both the development of a healthy lifestyle and a positive self-concept. Positive feedback is a powerful tool in this sense.
Some people are unable to provide others with positive feedback. They may be unaware of the potential positive effects, e.g., greater rapport or satisfaction in life. Sometimes others have difficulty delivering praise because they fear making themselves vulnerable. They may be unable to elicit feelings easily and openly. Perhaps this is an alien behavior because they have never received positive feedback themselves. Or, maybe there is a risk involved in developing more honest, open relationships.
For whatever reason, modesty does not enhance mutually satisfying, spontaneous interpersonal relationships.
Myth 3, Good Friend: This myth assumes that others can read my mind based upon our past relationship, e.g.: "She should have known how I felt" or "My husband should have known how hard I have been working and given me Saturday morning free."
Lack of good, facilitative communication is apparent here. One must remember that individuals don't always respond in the same manner to the same situation.
This type of expectation will undoubtedly lead to guilt, resentment, hurt feelings and misunderstanding within a relationship, assuming that others have known you long enough to know your mind or how you are thinking.
Myth 4, Obligation: This myth indicates that some people disregard their personal needs and rights due to a belief in personal obligations to others. These people put others ahead of themselves. Obviously the others' needs cannot always be met; however, those who routinely neglect to express their needs and rights, and who find themselves imposed upon quite frequently, are being restrained by this belief in the myth of obligation. They are often unable to make requests of others they project that others feel the obligation to meet their needs, too.
This myth, along with the others, facilitates neither self-respect nor the development of open, healthy relationships.
Myth 5, Gender role myths: Sometimes people behave in a particular manner due to various gender role expectations. This has been especially true for women. Is it feminine to be assertive or outspoken? The myth of obligation fits into this category, too. Due to erroneous expectations, many women are unable to refuse requests, even unreasonable ones. This may be true regardless of whether the request would interfere with their needs and rights.
Men have been encouraged to act upon their needs and rights aggressively, to fill the "macho" or controlling role in a relationship. Gender role expectations can color behavior, often to the opposite extreme. Some men may be inappropriately passive, while social pressures often call for men to take an aggressive stand.
Gender role expectations limit people's options for acting appropriately upon their beliefs, needs and rights. They close the door to spontaneous, sincere interactions.
Myth 6, Strength of an issue: It is sometimes risky to take a stand, even on issues about which people might feel quite strongly. It may be interpreted as pressuring others to accept one's beliefs, especially when discussing a controversial issue. People may not choose to take the risk of alienating themselves from others.
People who cannot discuss their beliefs assertively are closing the door to honest expression. The opportunity for a potentially stimulating exchange, which may afford them an opportunity for self-growth, will not happen.
