Learn 6 ways to be assertive with WORDS!
To get what you WANT out of life, you need to be ASSERTIVE (NOT passive and NOT aggressive). Here are 6 ways to assert yourself:
1. Use words that are NEUTRAL, not judgmental and not critical:
2. Try NOT to use sentences that start out:
a. "You should have..."
b. "You have to..."
c. "You're suppose to..."
d. "You never..."
e. "You're a jerk (or slacker or witch or whatever other label people use).
3. Try to ONLY USE words that identify and describe the behavior you are seeing. For example,
a. "I notice you seem to be angry."
b. "I notice that you are 30 minutes late."
c. "I notice that you didn't finish the Smith report."
4. Avoid APOLOGETIC words. Do NOT say:
a. "I'll try."
b. "I can't."
c. "I wish..."
5. Be very specific when you speak and use examples:
a. "I was standing at the corner of 5th Street and Main at noon when a boy of four or five pushed me into a lamp post.
b. "When you report on the Jones Account, be sure to use Form 401 and don't forget to date and sign your name at the end of the form."
6. Summarizing and paraphrasing are also ways to assert yourself. For example:
a. To sum up, the report is due this Friday, it must be double-spaced, using a size 12 courier font and it cannot be longer than 500 words. (Summarizing)
b. In French's article "How to Assert Yourself Using Words", among the six tips she gives the reader are to avoid "should" words and to use neutral and specific words. (Paraphrasing)
There are four components of assertiveness: verbal, non-verbal, emotional and cognitive (what we tell ourselves). A good start is to carefully choose the words YOU use. Let your words tell the audience that:
1. You KNOW what you're talking about and;
2. You EXPECT them to listen to you.
