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Introduction
Many
college students find it difficult
to express their feelings honestly and openly
because they lack assertiveness. This
can become a problem when building a relationship,
going out in the career world or communicating
with friends, family members, and co-workers.
What is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is the ability to express your feelings, opinions,
beliefs, and needs directly, openly and honestly, while not violating the personal
rights of others. Assertiveness does not in any way means being
aggressive. Aggressive behavior is self enhancing at the expense of others.
It does not take other individual's rights into consideration.
What Assertiveness is
Not
Many students seem to confuse assertive
behavior with aggression. Aggression is self-enhancing
behavior at the expense of others. Your classmates,
friends and associates feelings are ignored, violated
and not taken into consideration when interacting
with them. Furthermore, as a result of aggressive
behavior, they feel hurt, humiliated, angry, and revengeful.
What Will Assertiveness
Do for You?
Develop your communication
skills.
Allow you to feel self-confident.
Increase your self-esteem.
Help you to gain the respect of others.
Improve your decision-making ability.
How to Develop Assertive Skills
- Be direct, honest, and
open about your feelings, opinions and needs. State reasonable requests directly
and firmly. State your goals or intentions in a direct and honest manner.
State your point of view without being hesitant or apologetic. Being responsible
for your own behavior will let you feel good about yourself.
- Do not let your friends,
classmates etc impose or reinforce their behaviors, values and ideas on you.
Instead , let them know what you think, feel and want.
- Be honest when giving
and receiving compliments. Never put down a compliment and don't feel you
must return one.
- Learn to say
no to unreasonable requests. Use the word "no"
and offer an explanation if you choose to. Do not
apologize and do not make up excuses. Paraphrase
the other person's point of view. This will let
he/she know that you hear and understand the request.
- Avoid "why"
questions. " Why" questions allows the listener to be defensive.
- Recognize and respect
the rights of your friends, classmates, roommates etc. For example if you
are upset with them use "I" and "we" statements to express
your feelings, instead of blaming and finger pointing "you" statements.
- When communicating
with others use an appropriate tone of voice and body posture. Maintain eye
contact. Tone of voice should be appropriate to the situation. Stand or sit
at a comfortable distance from the other person. Gestures can be used to emphasize
what is being said and the word "I" and "we" should be
used in statements to convey your feelings. For example, it is more appropriate
to say "I am very disappointed that you didn't show up as plan",
instead of saying, "Man, you are a jerk".
Ask for feedback.
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