In communicating with others, it is important to be clear about stating needs, respecting oneself and maintaining boundaries. This is equally true in business or personal life. However, many people, for cultural, gender or temperament reasons, find assertive communication difficult. Yet, in communication, open lines are crucial to quickly avoid or resolve conflict or issues within the organization.
Organizations that do not foster open and honest communication have difficulty growing and innovating. Employee engagement can suffer when dissenting viewpoints are not heard which can lead to a series of problems like absenteeism and poor performance level.
The key is learning to be assertive. In communication, it is defined as a straightforward or honest approach to one's needs, opinions, and feelings. Assertiveness differs from aggressiveness because it is non-emotional and does not place blame. However, individuals often have difficulty expressing opposing viewpoints or their own needs because they fear offending someone or hurting feelings. It is important, again, for an organization to foster an environment where these fears are addressed, but discouraged.
Learning to be More Assertive
Assertive communication is a skill that can be learned. Deborah Tannen has made a career out of teaching others how to be effective, honest communicators in books like Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work. Here are a few beginning suggestions:
1. Be more empathetic. Individuals must learn to ask themselves if the message about to be delivered really risks offending someone.Many times this isn't completely thought through. We err on the side of caution without really examining the possibility of damaging a relationship by hurting feelings.
2. Be prepared and practiced. If a message is particularly difficult, research how to word and deliver it. A great resource is How to Say It by Rosalie Maggio. Public speakers practice repeatedly. Additionally, learning relaxation techniques makes it easier to actually face the situation. Deep breathing and visualization can help.
3. Speak clearly, slowly and confidently. Again practice will help prevent stuttering or mumbling. Speak at a moderate pace. Give others time to absorb what is being said. Confident posture has been shown to actually make us feel more confident.
4. Avoid being interrupted. Just like in any form of communication, assertiveness requires courage. Find a quiet, non-distracting area and ask not to be interrupted while speaking for a moment. This ensures that momentum isn't lost, and thus confidence lost.
5. Use "I" statements. Others are made less defensive when we avoid using the word "you" (as in "you did that"). It helps to phrase things starting off with "I feel that..." or "When this happens, I am..." word "I." Using "I" statements allows individuals to be very clear about their feelings or position.
6. Practice saying "no". None of us can say yes to everything. Being able to set personal boundaries or operate within our own value system is imperative to a healthy work or personal life. Practicing saying "no" to smaller things or letting co-workers know, in advance, events or activities that are automatic "no"s is extremely helpful in building this assertiveness skill.
People admire those that can honestly and assertively stand up for themselves, their opinions and beliefs. Leaders, in particular, are respected for asserting themselves and taking new directions that are initially unpopular. Learning to be more assertive in the workplace is a valuable leadership skill.
