Recognizing different assertive styles empowers you to partly predict the behavior people may exhibit so that you can continue building rapport by adjusting your own behavior.
The more knowledge you have about the assertive styles and negotiation styles of your counterparts, the better it is for you.
It is possible to distinguish between your current mix and an ideal mix, i.e. getting closer to the Firming Assertive style.
There are four assertive styles:
Aggressively Controlling
Passively Observing
Warmly Proposing
Firmly Asserting
The ideal style would be Firmly Asserting, resulting in the most positive and effective outcomes. It is however, unrealistic to assume that we could ever be 100% Firmly Asserting.
The idea is to try to move as close as possible to the ideal with practice so that it becomes second nature. When the pressure is on, your behavior is on automatic pilot and you can concentrate on the content. There is nothing more frustrating than coming away from a conversation or confrontation and having recriminations, such as:
"Why didn't I say this?" or
"I should have not said that."
If this happens frequently, you may be reactive rather than proactive.
The best way to avert such situations is to be prepared, and thereby be able to anticipate. Assertive skills are the process part of what you need to get across, by themselves they are insufficient. You need facts, which are the content part of what you need to get across.
Information is power, and information is the way to close the gap between what you know now, and what you need to know when you assertively confront someone. There are 5 Ws and an H, which can help you: who, what, where, when, why and how. You can never know or anticipate everything that should ideally be in your repertoire, but you can do your utmost to be as prepared as possible.
Exercise:
1. Think of a person you need to become more assertive with
2. Now consider a typical situation in which you might find yourself with that person
3. Analyze the situation using the 5 X W-H. checklist
Although it is extremely important to have a good grasp of the facts for a situation coupled with good assertive skills, there may be other elements which may hinder you from achieving your goals such as outside influences.
