The goal of our Assertiveness Training workshop is to enable participants to learn to express their rights, requests, opinions, and feelings honestly, directly, and appropriately without violating the rights and self-esteem of others.

Each Assertiveness Training Institute training workshop begins with a self-assessment that enables individuals to understand their personality. We delve into each person’s strengths, weaknesses and stress areas to help people understand what makes them “tick.” We then begin the process of enabling participants to understand how to communicate more effectively with others. Through various activities and assertiveness training exercises, participants then begin to recognize other communication styles and the best way to communicate to them. Here is when the process of becoming more assertive truly takes shape – by understanding the needs of other communication styles, participants learn how to express their opinion and stand up for their interests regardless of who they are dealing with.

For more information on our assertiveness training workshops contact us here.

Assertiveness Training: Simple Assertiveness Techniques

There are many techniques to develop assertive behaviour. Most are based on ‘the three-line assertion message’, in which:

you understand and summarise the facts of the situation
you indicate your feelings towards the situation
you state your requirements, reasons and benefits to the other party, if appropriate.

Assertion normally comprises this three line assertive message. This technique enables you to confront the other person with your concern without being personally aggressive, but it is not easy and demands skilful conversation control. For example, you might say:
"When you.…………." (state facts)
"I feel uncomfortable …..….." (state feelings)
"I would like……….(state requirements)………….in this way we will be able to work together more productively because…………….." (benefits to the other party)

Here the person relates the behaviour that causes offence, says how he/she feels and then gives a reason. Note there are no such attributions as 'You are deliberately annoying me', there are no swear words, there are no put-downs of the other person. The emphasis is on indicating how you feel and thereby seeking to gain a positive rather than an aggressive response from the other person.

Here are some more guidelines for assertive delivery
Acknowledge and be honest about your own feelings to yourself
Adopt new positive inner dialogue for situations where you need to be more assertive
Be clear, specific and direct in what you say
If necessary, keep repeating your message if you encounter objections
If necessary ask for clarification if you are uncertain about something
If necessary, acknowledge diversion tactics, then again repeat your message
Adopt appropriate body language to back up your assertion
Keep calm and stick to the point
Always respect the rights of the other person
And always ask yourself these questions
How can I express my message more clearly?
How can I be more specific about what I have to say?
Am I likely to have to repeat my message? Will I feel comfortable doing this?
Am I prepared to respond to their red herrings, and at the same time stick to my message?
What body language will I use to back up my message?

How to give praise and criticism
Comment on specific actions. For example, 'You handled that awkward customer very well by listening to her argument instead of interrupting’ rather than, 'You're quite good with difficult people, aren't you?’ The second comment was too general, it didn’t give the other person specific feedback about what she/he did well. Another example is 'You missed the deadline for that report', rather than, 'You're absolutely hopeless at managing your time.’ Again the second statement is too general and subjective. ‘Absolutely hopeless’ is not a good starting point for developing specific time management behaviours.

Follow this up with reasons for your comments. This is helpful whether the comments are positive or negative because we need to know what we are being praised for if we are to know how to use it as helpful feedback: 'You missed the deadline for that report, probably because you have been spending more time on telephone sales than we planned. Perhaps we should discuss how you should allocate your time in future?'

Don't use praise as a way of manipulating people into doing something for you, e. g. 'You are the most hardworking member of the department and I really appreciate the effort you put in for the meeting this afternoon. Perhaps you could just write up the minutes for me?' This manipulation makes the praise insincere.

When giving criticism, seek solutions, rather than commenting on somebody's personality. 'You're getting far too many complaints from members of the public recently. What the heck's the matter with you?' is very unhelpful. Instead say: 'You seem to be getting complaints from members of the public in your section at the moment. Do you know what the problem is?'
Above all, avoid public put-downs, or criticism in situations which will cause embarrassment.

Practice your assertiveness
Consider typical situations at work which require assertive behaviour and practice your approach.

Typical situations might include:
giving criticism to a close colleague
having to refuse to accept additional work
asking help from a notoriously ‘difficult’ colleague.
Work through the following steps.

Explain the situation to a friend or colleague, briefing him/her about whoever you will be talking to.
Use role-play to talk through the situation. Make your points clearly. In this conversation the other person will respond as the appropriate character.
Ask the other person what you did well, and what you could improve. If it will help, talk through the situation again.

Finally, swap roles - this will give you the opportunity of picking up other ideas from the other person. At the same time you will experience the other side of the assertive approach.
We believe the web is a fantastic place for marketing and promotion but we believe that there should be access to free information which is in abundance on many sites. Total Success have searched the web for free information on assertiveness and you can find these on our assertiveness links page. If you know of other sites which contain relevant information or to inform me that a particular site does no longer exist (many sites come and go at a fast rate on the web), please e-mail us. The criteria for inclusion is a site which has a lot of free information on assertiveness skills and not companies promoting courses or products.

Don't dilute
By this I mean don't be wishy-washy about what you are saying or asking for. Too often people apologize, make excuses, give long explanations or generally beat about the bush so that the person listening is given a very mixed message. Never say things like:

I'm sorry to have to ask you this
I feel awful about this, but...
I wouldn't ask, only...

2. Be clear and direct
Work out in advance what it is you want to say and then say it as clearly and directly as you can, with no extra frills. The same thing applies whether you're giving an order or giving your point of view. Sound as though you know what you want or what you think, and people will believe you and know where they stand with you.

3. Use few words
The fewer words you use, the bigger the impact. Powerful, effective people are always succinct. It's a good rule of thumb to make sure that you listen more often than you speak.

4. Be positive
Make sure that you are friendly and warm without being ingratiating or overly pally. Don't curry favour, but do smile when you ask someone to do something, and always thank them afterwards. Never raise your voice. And notice and appreciate the efforts of others. Let them feel valued.

5. Pay attention
People will take you far more seriously, and be clearer about what you want if you look directly at them and give the conversation, however brief, your full attention. A hasty order barked over your shoulder or muttered while doing something else will make the other person feel as though they don't matter and may also give the impression that you don't mean what you say.

Source: Caro Handley link

Related: Assertiveness Training

For more information on our assertiveness training seminars contact us here.

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