We've all heard of aggression, but not many people know the true meaning of "assertiveness", mistakenly thinking that it's the same thing.

We all know aggressive people in the workplace. The ones that force their views on people, don't compromise, and swap delegation for simply dumping their work on others in a forceful way. Unfortunately it's a myth that you have to be aggressive to get to the top in your profession. This is perpetuated by popular media (such as 'The Apprentice', where workplace aggression is amplified) and the fact that many famous personalities in high positions seem to have got there by being plain nasty.

Would you want to be on the receiving end of that? Not likely. Do you think this attitude works in a team environment? Of course not... and that's why aggressive people often alienate others they work with, and although success may come their way, they make enemies at the same time. If, like many people, your work environment is better with a stress-free, productive atmosphere, then assertiveness is the key.

Aggressiveness is all about a lack of respect, and in worst cases, can erode the recipient's self esteem. There are also passive-aggressive people, who are arguably even more difficult to deal with. An example of this: let's say you have to turn down helping someone else because you've got too much on. They turn around and say "I understand" (passive) "guess I'll work late and miss my friend's birthday party" (aggressive, or rather, laying on guilt). This isn't good for working relationships, either.

What then, is assertive behavior? It's a much healthier way of dealing with people where the cornerstone is the giving and receiving of respect and consideration. It's also a way to improve your communication skills and assert your self-esteem. Assertiveness is a positive thing: it will make you feel good, the more you practice it. You will also retain a lot of dignity when others resort to aggressiveness, sarcasm, or let their emotions get on top of them.

In order to practice assertiveness, you need to acknowledge certain things about your own persona. For example, are you a "yes" person, who seems unable to say no to things asked of you? Does this mean you often work late or overtime in order to do your own tasks, and the ones you've taken on? Assertiveness means knowing that you CAN say no, and you shouldn't feel obligated to take on certain tasks all the time. You don't have to be nasty. Simply saying "I have a lot on right now, I'd love to help you - perhaps when I've met my deadline?" is a more empowering, assertive statement. It acknowledges that you'd like to help, but can't at the moment because you've prioritized your own work. It also says that you are willing, but unable to meet that demand at that time.

Let's say you're in a meeting and everyone is agreeing on a strategy, but you don't. There is no need for the aggressive stance ("you are all making a terrible mistake!") when assertiveness will get you further ("I understand your position, but I'd like to run through a couple of areas I think we can improve"). Doesn't that sound more positive, more like a team player? Yet you're still getting the same end result - having your voice heard.

This is where self-esteem comes in. You have to believe that you are valuable and have something to contribute to, and understand that you have a right to say yes and no to people without feeling bad. Avoid being overly apologetic or meek ("oh, I'm so sorry I can't help you, I'm pathetic, I know"). Even if you're joking, this kind of "self irony" will wear away at other's perceptions of you.

Another thing to change is your perception of other people, in return. Being assertive doesn't mean being detached or cold. Take an interest in your colleagues. If they genuinely do have a problem, empathies. If someone is being aggressive towards you, retain your dignity and don't fall into the trap of lashing out. Ask for feedback on why they feel that way. Anger and arguments don't help anyone, working through issues with a level head does. We've all had bosses or managers who have lost their temper, making them unpleasant to be around. Try not to be one of those people.

As with many professional skills, positivity is the key to assertiveness. Know your limits and stick to them, and don't be afraid to have your voice heard or your opinion valued. You'll still climb up the professional ladder, but making friends, rather than enemies, on the way!