Assertiveness is an important skill we all should have, as it helps us express what we want to say towards others. But how can we prevent assertiveness from being taken as aggression in workplace communication?

Aggression vs. Assertiveness

These two are often interchanged by most people. Most people are confused about which is which, and would refer to being assertive as being aggressive and vice versa. The truth is, both are two different things. Assertiveness is usually mistaken as being aggressive because, in being assertive, we sometimes sound forceful with others. We do this because we wish to get our points across to the person we are talking to.

The difference actually lies in the words that people use in communicating. Aggression and assertiveness may sound similar in the force of conversation, but aggressive people actually utter words that are sometimes below the belt and are abrasive. Most of these people become irate, and would be irrational, rude and derogatory towards the people they are having a conversation with.

Assertiveness, aggression and submission (the third reaction) are results of stress and anxiety in a given situation. In an argument, one can either choose to become angry and aggressive, to submit passively or even intransigent, or they can choose to assert their own feelings regarding the situation. Each of these responses has varied results.

For example, aggression results in additional stress to both parties. Being passive or being intransigent, which is being stubborn and inflexible with your opinions, can result to a win-lose situation. On the other hand, assertiveness may help both sides relieve stress because it facilitates a where both sides have aired their feelings and emotions to each other.

Assertiveness is particularly useful in workplace and business , where one is expected to say things without causing conflict with the other workers as much as possible.

Examples of Assertiveness vs. Aggression

It is because being aggressive is a person's natural response to a stressful situation. We naturally become angry or irrational when we are subjected to environments from which we may feel pressured and anxious.

One example of this in a workplace scenario is when one makes a comment to us regarding our personal appearance. This is one of the most common and frequent examples of a stressful workplace , because it is natural for a person to make comments regarding how we appear especially if the way we dress is quite unnatural.

If the comment is negative, our natural reaction would be to defend ourselves and, if possible, get back at the person who made the feedback. Most of the times, we'd be driven to say, "So what? You look like a goofball yourself too."

However, workplace with words like these is likely to lead to interpersonal conflicts and problems with the company. This results to more stress between both parties (one of them being stressed more than the other), and is unproductive.

An assertive response would be, "Oh, is that so? Well, I guess this is the way I look and I'd be hard-pressed to change it. But, anyway, thanks for the compliment." With this example, you are defending your personal appearance without necessarily arousing conflict. True, you might be offended and angry, and would want to hit back at the other person, but professionalism discourages this kind of communication.

You see, sometimes in an office setting, we cannot say what we want to say but instead we have to say what we don't want to say in order to get the results we want. In this example, we want to defend our physical appearance. Being aggressive is what we'd normally want to do but it is not an advisable approach. However, by being assertive, we still get the same end but without other unnecessary and unwanted results like conflict. Although assertiveness generally is a tool to avoid conflict, it is also very useful in a conflict where between both sides is needed.

Ways to Develop the Ability of Being Assertive

If being assertive is not natural to you, then you may need to develop it in order to be able to use it. Developing this ability, however, would take a lot of time and practice. Here are some tips for you to remember in forgetting about being aggressive and being abrasive, and learning to be assertive:

1. Keep in mind that you should do to others what you expect them to do to you. This is Confucius' Golden Rule, a very important rule in interpersonal relationships. If you wish to be respected, show respect for others and for yourself first and respect will come naturally to you. Respect is not limited to action. It should also be shown in communication.

2. You should recognize the fact that we are all equal and we have the same rights. These rights include the right against mistreatment, and aggressive behavior can be considered mistreating a person through snide comments.

3. Respect a person's ethical and moral concerns. You should know or at least gauge to some point which words could offend a person even if you did not intend to do so. This is very useful when engaged in with people of other cultures.