Active listening helps you express your assertiveness. Active listening is one of the most important skill one must have. Active listening means listening to facts and feelings of the other person. The tone of the feedback is non-judgmental and inquiring as to the accuracy of the recipient's understanding of the message sent by the sender.

With active listening one can clarifies whether or not the message has been received accurately. It allows the recipient to show that he understands the feelings of the sender. Enables sender to become aware of and disclose more information without narrowing the scope of the information. Active listening lowers the intensity of the sender's emotion to enable problem solving and negotiation.

The basic rules for assertiveness

1. Know what you want
2. Know your rights
3. How important is the outcome to you
4. Be specific
5. Speak for yourself
6. Be aware of your body language

Six assertiveness techniques you can use:

Self-disclosure: giving information about yourself to help others understand you better.

Broken record: Being persistent and continue to assert your point of view throughout your conversation. Assertiveness is a skill of persistence.

Acknowledge/assertiveness: Acknowledges the other person's wants, feelings, or ideas, and then assert your wants, feelings, or ideas. It is a skill of persistence.

Fogging: Agreeing with the possibility that the other person might be right. This is a skill that teaches non-defensive responses to manipulative criticism by calmly acknowledging to your critic the possibility that there may be some truth in what he says, yet allows you to remain your own judge of what you do. This is a coping skill.

Negative assertiveness: Acknowledging your mistakes, agreeing with the other's criticism of you. This is a skill you use when the criticism is valid. It allows one to accept responsibility for honest mistakes and make amends for them. This is a coping skill.

Negative inquiry: Asking another to give you negative feedback, where appropriate. Negative inquiry is a skill used to prompt more criticism from the critic in order to find out more details about the criticism. This is a coping skill.

With these techniques, you can get cooperation from others by -

[1] Stating what you want,
[2] ask for the other person's idea,
[3] listen actively to their suggestions and reservations, and
[4] work towards a workable win-win solution.

In dealing with an aggressive person, you should take note of the followings: They are usually coming from a defensive, insecure, and scarcity-based position

Listen actively to dissipate aggressiveness, anger, and fear.

Look for common areas where you could agree and support.

Explain your own needs or concerns in a non-defensive manner

Active listen again for his reaction

Work towards a workable solution (win-win)

Anyone who manages someone cannot go without assertiveness. The assertiveness skilled manager is

Firm enough to not be manipulated

Caring enough to create trust

Self confident enough to not attack

Patient enough to get all pertinent data

Aware/Wise enough to assess accurately

Skilled enough to manage relationships effectively

Assertiveness cannot guarantee that you will get what you want but it will give you the best chance of getting what you want. In some situations, it is better to let go since letting go saves energy. When we can't fight reality, it is better to let go and look at our other preferences.