Much of our behavior is a result of how we are treated when we are young. Girls are more often taught the importance of compliance from a young age. Many are taught that the displeasure of others should be avoided at all costs. This means in later life that many women find assertiveness contrary to their learned set of values.
It is important for women learn the importance and real value of their own feelings and opinions. The displeasure of others, especially of the dominant or bullying type is not the end of the world. Ignoring one’s own needs can be much more damaging in the long term. Remember it is not your responsibility to make everyone else OK. You should treat others with the respect that you would like to be shown yourself, but ultimately if it is reasonable to say no or to make a request, if this leads to the displeasure of others it is their problem not yours.
Never be afraid to speak up for yourself; show your assertiveness.
Breathe deeply when confronted with aggression from others and stand firm using your assertiveness skills.
Don't let others control your emotions and use them against you.
Constantly remind yourself of the benefits of assertiveness
What you will gain from learning assertiveness skills:
Gain self-respect and be respected by others.
Gain confidence and feel less anxious when facing conflict.
Be able to say no when you want to.
Be able to ask for what you want.
Be able to accept and give compliments and praise.
Have the courage to say difficult things
Taking the time to learn assertiveness skills can change your life. Living in a constant state of non-assertiveness can make you feel, angry, resentful, depressed and under confident. You may think you are improving your relationship by giving in and avoiding confrontation, but you may be surprised how your relationships improve when you demand the respect that you deserve. It will be difficult at first, especially in long standing relationships where a change in your behavior is likely to spark resistance and anger in others, however it is their anger, not yours, the most important thing to remember is that their anger need not hurt you (you can learn to control your emotions and the effect they have on your thoughts and body), denying yourself a voice hurts much more, and their anger is usually short lived.
