Assertiveness requires confidence. Confidence in who you are. Confidence that you are up to the task at hand. Confidence that you are in the right place. Sometimes confidence that you have the team to support you. Assert is a proactive word. When you assert your position you take a stand. You move things forward in a preferred direction. There are many times in life when assertiveness is necessary. There are times when assertiveness is not appropriate. A famous book titled The Art Of War by Sun Tzu deals with strategies on when to fight and when to wait for a better time. Many people studying assertiveness will find and read this book.
These 7 techniques deal with getting you confident and then getting you assertive. I am confident I am confident I am confident This works! I know it works because it worked for me. Repeat these words over and over and over and over every day several times a day. Say them aloud whenever you can. Write them down. Make them calligraphy if you like. Just say them over and over and over and over. One day you will be confident. Just by practicing this technique. This requires absolutely no belief whatsoever.
Setting Objectives To be confident about something you need an objective. What do you want to accomplish? Why do you want to accomplish this? If you can't answer these questions then you will not want to achieve it. This has nothing to do with confidence. Pre-planning is everything. If this is done correctly achievement is a just a bit of tweaking.
Who Am I to attempt this task? Often we confuse careful consideration with a lack of confidence, and then we get angry at ourselves, and come to the conclusion that we have low self esteem. In fact technique 3 is just a continuation of technique 2. It's about pre-planning. But it is also about preconceived ideas about who the person has to be to accomplish tasks. Many memorable people were less educated, less pretty, and less secure than you! Our society encourages self improvement but not accomplishment and bravery. This is usually taken as arrogance. Remove the word arrogance from your dictionary right now. Remember the 70s song Ego is not a Dirty Word (by Australian Band Skyhooks 1975).
With confidence comes Responsibility Every parent has looked at their growing children, wishing them to have the confidence in themselves to stand up and make their place in the world. When hormones jump around that much, as parents you usually don't get a look-in to their world to be able to do all the good you wish for them. You see the fear in them. But you also see the greatness and the budding potential in them. Sometimes they, and you maybe, grow up having never seen your greatness. Fear is there as a pause to check before leaping. That's all it is. When the babies of eagles are ready to fly but fearful of doing so, the parents push them out. Because they know they are ready even if they don't. Sometimes we have to take responsibility for jumping ourselves. Have we been taught about what we are embarking on? Do we know enough to ensure our safety? If not then find out a bit more first. But at some point, take the jump and own your own life. No-one can know everything because we are all learning forever.
Assertiveness is easy when you are having fun and feeling accepted Remember the games you used to play as a child? Remember those games that were made up games? Who made them up? Who benefited from them being made up? Who was assertive? And who was rewarded for that assertiveness? I bet you can't even remember who made them up. You were all having fun. Children make up games together and play them. They pass the time with a great deal of laughter. So often in life our inner child has the goods to lead us into the most grown up accomplishments! Respect your inner child.
Accepting Criticism Sometimes we aren't afraid of being assertive, we are afraid of accepting criticism. Putting yourself out there connotes enormous, giant, instant fame that is the biggest, scariest monster to contend with. Where is out there anyway? If I open my mouth now I will become infamous! My word will travel the globe and I will be subject to the kinds of criticism and negativity that I won't be able to deal with. Wow! You must be a powerful person to believe that your actions today will start such an enormous chain event to affect the whole world! Others work their whole lives, being assertive every step of the way before anyone listens. Often they have to find someone who is already famous to help them get their message across and they remain invisible! Check your fear of criticism. This is a very human reaction. It probably won't go away, but once you realize it for what it is you will know that it is more of a physical reaction that is no longer used for the purpose it was intended centuries ago.
Assertiveness is not Aggression What is your objective? Are you being assertive and confident? Are you winning? Who loses then? If you threaten another then you are being aggressive. If someone you are trying to convince perceives they will lose something if they agree with you then this is aggression. You need to re-frame this and put yourself into their shoes. And don't expect them to think like you. A knowledge of Astrology, NLP, or Negotiation is all helpful bodies of knowledge that will allow you to understand others. We aren't all made the same and we don't all want the same things. The world would be very simple, but probably very boring too if we did. Human Beings just aren't made that way. So stop blaming yourself and the world. Relax and enjoy steering the boat when you have something to assert and taking a seat when you don't. This technique will allow others to assert to you and you just might benefit from this too!
