So often women suppress their voices in an effort to keep the peace. Part of its conditioning. As young girls we may have been told not to be too boastful or that expressing who we truly are and what we desire is selfish. This can lead to self-destructive patterns when it comes to how we relate to men. We hide our true selves, pretend things are okay when they're not, and often put up with mistreatment. We can also become passive, manipulative, and even aggressive. I encourage women to look at their lives as though they were playing the leading role in a movie. As the inspirational character, she must "learn her lines"-learn how to assert herself and her needs, and do so without apology. Here are Ten Tips for Learning Your Lines:

1. Study. Spend some time reflecting on different scenes in your life and read between the lines to get at the meaning of what's really being said. If you're in a relationship with someone who is passive, passive-aggressive, aggressive, verbally abusive, etc., study his body language and tone. Make notes in your journal about how you feel after interacting with him. See it from an audience's perspective.

2. Be a better listener. Don't wait for your turn to speak, interrupt, or take his word for it, so to speak. Practice reflecting back to him what he's saying. (i.e., If he says, "You're a control freak," respond with, "You think I'm controlling.") Check for understanding (i.e., "So what you're saying is you don't feel that you should have to do any housework.") Focus not just on the words being said, but on how they're being spoken.

3. Practice Reflect on a conversation, argument, etc. that you had. Rewrite the scene. If you were passive, imagine doing it all over again. Create a three-part assertive message: "When you (shout, interrupt me, and call me names), I feel (frustrated, angry, upset), because (I deserve to express myself )." If you have something you want to say, write it down first and rehearse it out loud.

4. Speak Assertively. In every conversation, strive to speak your truth. Remain calm and assert yourself. Use your three-part messages. If you feel yourself reverting back to a passive stance, take a deep breath, and try again. Keep trying until you get it right.

5. Use the broken record technique. If you're met with resistance, repeat what you said. Calmly. Keep repeating it until he understands you will not become passive or aggressive.

6. Take a communication skills course or find a coach. Find a supportive environment and an experienced instructor who can help you learn this skill along with others who struggle with the same issue. A life coach or communication skills coach can help you become more assertive as well.

7. Take an acting class. So much of learning and acquiring new skills involves stepping outside yourself and doing something that feels a bit like pretending. Acting classes can be a lot of fun and a great way to step out of your comfort zone in a safe environment. Come home playing the part of the assertive woman.

8. Role play. Find a friend or coach to practice with. Let them play the role of your partner. Give them a set of lines to read from so that you can practice your assertive response.

9. Expect a reaction. Asserting your needs and speaking truthfully may be new for you, and if it is, it will definitely be new to your partner as well. In the best situation, he will like this new you. Healthy men love women who are strong and able to communicate their thoughts and emotions. It's possible he's been just as frustrated with your inability to assert your needs as you are. However, you may be met with strong resistance if your guy isn't so secure. Stand your ground.

10. Don't go overboard. Keep the spectrum of assertiveness in mind as you develop this skill: passive--assertive--passive-aggressive--aggressive. Aggressiveness is not the same thing as assertiveness. As tempting as it may be to treat him the way he has treated you and talk to him with his aggressive tone and negative, hurtful language, keep in mind that it will not work and it may escalate the situation. Be respectful, take the time to listen to your partner, and calmly say what you want to say.