Our other articles on assertion explain what it is (contrasted with aggression and submission) and show you how to do it. This article provides an opportunity to gauge your current level of assertiveness.

We suggest you take a minute or two to complete the following self-assessment. We urge you to be candid. It's for your eyes only.

Assertion Self-Assessment

Indicate with a check mark the degree of comfort/discomfort you would have in the situations listed below:

Comfort | Neutral | Discomfort

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Confront a fellow co-worker about a problem.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Ask a friend for the money s/he owes you.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Apologize when you are at fault.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Turn down a relative's request for a favor.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Tell a friend they did something that offended you.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Accept a compliment.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ State your opinion when it differs from an authority's.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Request the return of something a friend borrowed.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Tell coworkers when they've treated you unfairly.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Ask your partner for attention and affection.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Look people in the eye when confronting them.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Discuss with someone his/her criticism of you.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Admit your fears.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Tell others about your accomplishments.

___ . . . . ___ . . . . ___ Ask someone to put his/her cigarette out.

Adapted from: Attacking Anxiety, Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety, 1989

Now step back and look at the pattern of your check marks:

Are most of your check marks in the Comfort column? If so (and you were candid), you already are very assertive. To become even better, think about those items you checked in the other two columns and consciously work to be more assertive in the situation described and, thereby, become more comfortable with it.

Or, were most of your check marks in the Discomfort and Somewhat columns? If so, there is definite room for improvement. You cannot really describe yourself as being assertive.

And notice the situations in which you are least comfortable:

Are you less assertive in your work life (e.g., 1, 7 and 9) than in your personal life (e.g., 2, 4 5, 8, and 10) ... or vice versa?

Are you especially uncomfortable in situations exposing emotional vulnerability (e.g., 3, 9, 10 and 13)?

Are you less comfortable in situations affirming your self-worth (e.g., 6, 7 and 14)?

Think especially about these areas of your life as you read our other articles on assertion ... and resolve to practice assertion in those situations, even though you may feel a sense of strain initially. [You will feel good about yourself and, over time, you will feel more comfortable.]