Assertiveness can improve your self confidence, self esteem and life balance.  Assertiveness is being able to express your opinions, needs and desires clearly and openly, respecting your rights and the rights of others.  It is not aggressive, threatening or demanding, nor is it passive or submissive.  Finding an assertiveness balance is essential.

Having high self confidence is a big help in having more assertiveness skills but if your self confidence is lacking it is good to work on building both simultaneously.  Self confidence is the key to assertiveness, as before you need to have a good idea of your current level:  If you answer yes to more than 2 of the following questions, you could benefit from learning more assertiveness skills:

Do you have difficulty accepting constructive criticism?

Do you say yes, when you want to say no?

Do you feel uncomfortable voicing your opinion if it is different from someone else’s?

Do you find it difficult to communicate your ideas, opinions, needs and desires without being either apologetic or aggressive?

Do you feel attacked or awkward when someone has a different opinion from you?

How you communicate is the key to assertiveness (and more confident).  The following tips should give you somewhere to start

When communicating with someone, take a deep breath, stand up straight and maintain eye contact.

Have in your mind an idea of the outcome you want but be prepared to be flexible.  Have a definite idea of what your limits and boundaries are and when appropriate, make these clear to the other person.

Remember, you are looking for a win-win situation.  State your opinions, wants and needs clearly and concisely then listen to them.  Do not assume their response will be negative; listen to everything they have to say before responding.

Pause.  Don’t rush your response and regret it later.  If necessary, tell them you will get back to them, otherwise just take a breath, think and then respond.  Don’t be afraid of leaving silence for a few seconds while you formulate your response.

Think about your tone of voice; keep your voice steady, clear and unapologetic.  To practice this; speak aloud to yourself or into a Dictaphone.

Use ‘I’ which makes statements less confrontational.  Instead of ‘You are always late’; use ‘I feel frustrated and angry when you are late’

Respect yourself.  Remember your opinions; wants and needs are just as valid as the next persons.   Do not compromise your own values under pressure – this will lead to more stress in the long term.

Communicating with assertiveness takes practice and will not happen overnight but it will make your life much better as you master the techniques.  Work on your self confidence which will make learning more assertiveness skills much easier and have fun!  You are improving yourself, your life and also helping the other person to find the best solution.